The apocalypse is well on it's way, the signs are all around us. If we've learned anything from years of watching survival-horror movies it's this, not everyone dies in a zombie apocalypse. There are always a few folks left over to rebuild. You may not be able to prepare yourself for the event itself, there are too many variables. Who knows if we'll see vampires or werewolves when the time comes. You won't want to stock up on garlic and crucifixes only to have a werewolf knock on your door. That's just a bad investment. Your real concern should be, "How can I get ahead in the aftermath of the Frankenstein invasion?"

Apocalypseproof your life

    Here is a short list of things that are pretty much guaranteed to survive any conceivable end time scenario:

• Cockroaches - Not too much notable about these guys except that they'll probably be the only food source for most people. Which is where the next item comes in...
• Twinkies - The fabled stack cakes that are said to be indestructible. Stockpiling Twinkies would never be a bad idea, apocalypse or not.
• Boozes - We can learn a little from the pirates and swashbucklers of the 17^thcentury. Alcohol doesn't spoil like water or juices, so why not get tanked while you enjoy your mountain of Twinkies.
• Subterranean Dwellings - Surprise! Those bomb shelters from the fifties probably weren't as stupid as you thought. Sure, the home made ones that are only a couple feet under the back yard aren't gonna keep you from turning into a mutant because of all the radiation, but there are plenty of decent options available today for the apocalypse conscious home owner.

    Obviously there aren't going to be a whole lot of 'creature comforts' that survive the apocalypse, actually there probably won't be that many creatures either, but that doesn't mean you have to play the part of the oil starved Aussie retard like so much Mad Max. Here are some suggestions on what you should start hoarding now to ensure your awesomeness after zero hour.

    Guns and Ammo, the magazine and the real deal. You need to have plenty of munitions because there will be plenty of zombies and/or mutants that will need to be dealt with. Likewise, you'll need to know how to use this shit, and I don't mean point and click Unreal Tournament style. I mean you'll need to know the ins and outs of basic gun upkeep. Either that or make sure you stockpile a couple guns for each year you plan on living out a zombified version of Red Dawn. Transport and pack animals probably won't be reliable so I'd plan on a hunting rifle, and a couple hand guns. If you have ample planning time before the end of days then you should probably move yourself next door to a Cabela's or Bass Pro Shop, this should give you an excellent head-start once the irradiated dust settles.

    Transportation will be a bitch and so will getting any form of energy. Solar panels will be a plus if you can avoid the whole nuclear winter thing. I'd plan on learning how to swing an axe and get real good at starting fires from scratch. Axemanship will also come in handy when you run out of ammo, but we'll worry about that later.

Avoid other survivors

    Groups of people tend to attract zombies so it'd be best to go the lone wolf route. Other people are only going to slow you down. Don't feel bad about preying on these people, they're probably better of dead anyways. All the better for you to make good use of their resources rather than a mutant... It wouldn't be a bad idea to keep an emergency crank powered AM/FM radio with you so that you can listen for reports of roaming zombies and the like. Whatever you do, do not fall for the cute widow with the sweet kids. She can't run as fast as you when she'll dragging that kid's mangled corpse.

    Making contact with new groups after the apocalypse will be tricky. You never know if you'll run into a pack of cannibals or nuclear missile worshipping religious zealots. Better just play it safe and avoid these people at all costs.

Do your research

    There are thousands of hours of movies and made-for-TV movies that are worth watching to prepare yourself the coming apocalypse. It never hurts to take notes, be sure to look for what works and what doesn't. It's clear that decapitating zombies will stop them but what about fire or acid? There won't be time to ask these questions when the zombies are on your doorstep...

    Have any questions or suggestions? Have a usefull tidbit or amusing zombie related anecdote? Leave a comment below.

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